Today we return to the Exodus 20:12 commandment to honor parents, repeated in the New Testament: “’Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land’”(Ephesians 6:2-3). Whether you are 5 or 65, if your parents are still living, you should honor them.
We read in Genesis that God created Eve as Adam’s wife. Genesis 2:24 reads, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This truth is repeated in Ephesians 5:31: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Once a new family has begun, loyalty to the new family is your priority. This raises the question, however, of what honoring parents means for the married couple or for the unmarried young Christian adult.
Of primary importance is the meaning of honor in this command. Obey is translated from a different word in the Greek and the Hebrew, so we cannot equate honor to the obedience children are supposed to demonstrate. In these verses, honor means to value, to treat with respect.
Whether your parents are godly or not, whether they are wise or not, whether you follow their advice or not, you should honor them. If your parents are not Christians, you may not be able to follow many of their wishes; but you honor them by listening to them, sharing the gospel with them, and caring about them. If your parents are Christians but live with unrepented sin or have been abusive and haven’t tried to make things right, you honor them by not responding in retaliation (although abuse may indicate necessary legal ramifications). You may need to follow Scriptural instruction to separate from them as you would from another Christian brother who sins with no repentance, but you should also pray for their hearts to soften and your heart not to become bitter. If your parents are Christians with a relationship with God, you honor them by asking their advice. You now make your own decisions and will live with the results of your choices, but asking your Christian parents what they would do or why they believe what they believe or how to go about something shows respect. As an added benefit, you may make a better choice after considering the input of parents who evidence godliness. Age brings with it a degree of wisdom which the young person usually doesn’t have. Job stated this in his response to an unwise friend: “Wisdom is with the aged, and understanding in length of days”(Job 12:12). Proverbs 24:6 reads, “For by wise guidance you can wage your war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory.”
Paul gives Pastor Timothy instruction regarding treatment of the elderly in the church and in the family(1 Timothy 5:1-16). Family members were to make sure their own were cared for, and the church was encouraged to care for those who had no family to help. The widow who was, “left all alone, has set her hope on God, and continues in supplications and prayers night and day,” was deserving of help, but the “self-indulgent” one was not. The man who did not provide for his needy but deserving family members, “has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
In Mark 7:9-13, Christ condemns the hypocritical actions of those who claimed that their monetary help could not go to worthy family members because they had given it to God. Their claim was based on a religious tradition added by the religious leaders and not commanded by God. It had as its basis an incorrect view of God’s desires with regards to how we help family members, and it dishonored parents.
The 1 Timothy 5 passage and the Mark 7 passage refer to an era and culture different from our own, but we can apply the principles. Although our society makes provision for the care of the elderly and seldom requires anything of the family members, honoring parents involves being certain their financial and health needs are being met. If a family member has financial needs we choose not to address, we should not create a spiritual-sounding but unbiblical excuse to try to persuade ourselves and others that we’re obeying God.
One final reference which fits into this discussion is 3 John 4: “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” The Apostle John was referring to individuals who had been saved under his ministry, not physical offspring or adopted children. If your parents are spiritually minded Christians, however, you have grown up under their ministry in a very real sense. The greatest honor you could give them would be to live out a biblical faith; the greatest heartache you could give them would be to replace the priority of a biblical walk of faith with anything else.
Honor your parents. What that looks like varies based on your situation, so pray for wisdom and humility to obey this command as God would have you to.
Reflection 3 in a series of 3