Conflict—drama—resentment—apologies—forgiveness: Life can be messy, but God’s Word provides answers. Varied situations make for many angles to these topics, and the next few reflections will touch on some of these.
Ephesians 4 begins with the following encouragement from Paul: “Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace”(Ephesians 4:1b-3). We’re all sinners, saved by grace, and Paul instructs us to strive for patient, loving grace with one another. In the verses that follow he stresses the importance of building Christians up in the Word of God and working together to mature in Christ and to combat deceit and wrong teaching. This is a team effort! The more we mature spiritually, and the more we learn of God and draw close to the Savior, the more we will accomplish for him and with one another.
In verse 17 he reminds believers that their new walk as Christians should differ from their old lifestyle and that of the unsaved around them. Verse 24 urges Christians, “to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.” Verses 25 and following warn of specific sins we should eliminate from our lives, sins which destroy the unity of believers: stealing, dishonest and unethical practices, damaging speech, temper tantrums, slander, bitterness, malice. Verse 32 then brings us back to the contrast we are to strive for: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”
Important to note is the Greek word which is translated “forgiving” and “forgave” in verse 32. It’s not the same word Luke uses in Luke 17:3-4 where we are instructed to forgive the brother who repents. Instead, the word in Ephesians 4:32 is a call for graciousness. Those minor differences which are petty or not important in the big picture or which could be interpreted more than one way should be responded to with grace, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt. That’s tenderhearted kindness, mimicking God’s grace toward us. It’s the contrast to the destructive sins mentioned earlier.
Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:5 that love, “is not irritable or resentful.” If we resent someone, almost everything he does irritates us. Our response, in words and actions, is colored with malice, anger, and vindictiveness, not love. We’re even tempted to slander him in an effort to help our image and tear down his. These are some of the sins Paul warns of in Ephesians 4:25-31. To help us guard against this type of sin, Peter writes, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins”(1 Peter 4:8). Building that love for others will help prevent us from selfish, destructive sins.
In a sincere effort to glorify God, some of us have isolated Ephesians 4:32 and assigned a meaning to it which isn’t completely accurate. Perhaps this is because of wrong teaching somewhere in the past or because we’re too easily influenced by secular talk show hosts or because we feel that true love ignores sin in others. Ephesians 4, however, promotes unity not by negating the importance of repentance nor by instructing Christians to overlook sin but by encouraging us to recognize and eliminate destructive sins in our own lives. When Christians, in an effort to “keep the peace,” respond to injurious sin of other unrepentant Christians by sweeping it under the rug, true peace and unity have fallen prey to the whims and pride of the spiritually immature. If we choose to interpret Ephesians 4:32 as a command to overlook destructive sin, we ignore the rest of the chapter and several other Scripture passages; and we miss the beautiful and necessary step toward peace and unity Paul actually presents here.
Ephesians 4 gives us an important foundational truth to help us combat the drama and conflict which can muddy our lives and drag down relationships: The more we mature spiritually, and the more we learn of God and draw close to the Savior, the less apt we will be to resent and injure other Christians and destroy godly unity.
–reflection 1 in a series